23???? Whaaaaat!?! Dating??? Errrrr.......?

Its true! I just turned 23! Thank you everyone for all the birthday wishes! I feel like 23 is getting old, yet, when I write it down it looks so young!! Which.... its true! 23 is young, but I feel like now I have some age under my belt :) some good experiences.... and ooohhh do I have experiences!


      Yesterday was a mmmmmppphhh day. Yes, an mmmmmpppphhhh day. What's that? Its a day where you feel like mmmmmmppphhh. I was sitting around thinking about why I felt this way and just had a gazzilion thoughts running through my head and had to write them down.


     It has honestly been a few interesting weeks. A lot of ups and downs, but the one thing I have really been thinking about is dating... there! I said it! Now everyone gets to know a little about my dating life.... or lack of.... anyway.... I had one of those awkward moments where a guy is totally into you and then, he finds out you have a bouncing toddler. That is one of the HARDEST things about being a single mom, if not THE hardest thing. The problem I have, and I HAVE come to realize this, I actually enjoy being single. Well, not really, everyone wants to have someone there to do fun things with, I just realize that I'm a pretty independent woman.
    I have had to learn how to provide for my family by myself and I think I do a pretty darn good job! I'm almost done with school, the ONLY debt I have is student loans and its small, I have no credit cards, no car payment, I do pretty well! My little guy has even had a college/mission fund since the month he was born.
    Here is where I think the problem with dating occurs..... since I have become so independent I don't get attached. I get over guys REALLY fast! Not that I go out with them and then never go out with them again because I'm a user (hehe). But its when a guy doesn't call, or stops texting, or doesn't follow through with date plans you made..... it bothers me for 1 night, then I'm over it! What is wrong with me!?!?! HAHA! No really.... what IS wrong with me? I have come to the conclusion I will die an old hag... with lots and lots of cats, and I dont even like cats! haha Ok... I'm kidding.
       I believe.... not getting attached or not feeling bad when a guy completely ignores you, is both a blessing and a curse. Last night when I was sitting around thinking about this I realized something very important sitting next to my bed.
5 things
1- The book, "The Miracle of Forgiveness"
on top of that book was
2- My patriarchal blessing... on top of that
3- My temple recommend
and  on top of that
4- My tithing
sitting next to that pile
5- My scriptures- which I read EVERY night! I havent misses a SINGLE day in 2 years!
These 5 items were a Testament to me that Heavenly Father has a plan for me. Even if that plan involves a guy finding out you have a son and then completely ignoring you. There is a reason for it!
I have an interesting story I would like to share hoping and praying that we can all learn a valuable lesson from it.
      Years ago, before I had my son, I was writing a FRIEND on his mission. It was someone I met right before they went into the MTC and we wrote all the time.... until..... I got caught up in the college life. After that it was just an occasional letter. I believed however, that we were good friends and could talk about ANYTHING! When I found out I was expecting, I didnt tell him because I didnt think that was something he should worry about. Instead I waited until he got home. After he found out I had a son, I never heard from him again. A brand new returned missionary friend, judged me more harshly than anyone I can think of. A servant of the lord who taught repentance and forgiveness everyday of their lives for 2 years, comes home, and judges me for something I had already reconciled.
Here is my plea with that story... please please, those of you who are returned missionaries, AND EVERYONE..... remember what you taught/teach and stood and should still stand for. That doesnt mean you should date and marry a girl with a child, that just simply means, don't look the other way. Love her as a friend for her mistakes. That should be the simplest thing a person can do and yet, for some reason it seems to be the hardest. Because of my deep experiences I am closer to my Heavenly Father than I ever thought possible and if I could wrap my arms around every girl who has crappy times like me I would!!!!!!!!! I have a special love in my heart for those girls who struggle with similar challenges to mine. Whether they are as extreme as mine or not! I hope and pray deeply that as Members of the church we can learn to love everyone, mistakes and all!